The Kind of Bandmate Every Musician Hopes For

There are videos that I plan.
And then there are the ones that I have to make even when I never wanted to make them. 

This is one of those.

In the past week, I lost a bass player from one of my bands.

I lost a friend.

Dan had been in our group longer than I had. I’d known him for a little over four years.

We played some incredible shows together and in that time, he became one of those rare people you genuinely look forward to seeing at every gig.

Dan was one of the best bandmates I've ever had. His passing forced me to think about something deeper than our friendship. This video became my way of processing my grief by helping you understand the traits I believe were such a pivotal reason why Dan was one of the favorite people in our band.

What actually made my friend such a great bandmate?

First Impressions Are Deceiving 

When Dan and I first met, it was at a wedding gig.

Seven musicians.
Many of us had never played together.

And yet, the performance felt like we had been in a band together for years.

That was my first lesson.

We were professionals. We came ready to play and while not really knowing each other, we were able to create something amazing.

My first impressions of Dan were not good.

In the beginning, Dan came across as blunt. A little rude. Maybe even a little antisocial.

But that wasn’t who he really was.

As we played more and more gigs together, the real person showed up:
He was kind, funny, encouraging, and deeply genuine.

My first impressions were incorrect because I didn't know his personality yet.

And that’s how bands work.

Time reveals character.

The Traits That Actually Matter

Every musician wants great players.

But the musicians everyone wants to work with have something else:

• They show up on time
• They’re prepared
• They’re consistent
• They do the job
• They make the band sound better, not themselves louder
• They are easy to work with and be around.

Dan didn’t play for attention.

He played for the music
and for the team.

And that made everyone around him better.

He didn’t hand out compliments all the time either.

But when he did, you believed him.

And that kind of authenticity builds confidence in a band faster than any rehearsal.

Some Moments Aren’t About The Music

Some of the things I’ll miss most:

• Dan hunting for cake at weddings (he loved German chocolate)
• That time we went for multiple rounds of prime rib at a corporate gig
• The honest conversations between sets
• And sharing the stage with a person I knew I could count on

As bandmates, we may start as co-workers.

But, if you do this long enough…

Those same people often become family.

The Real Lesson For Performers

If you’re building a band, look for people who are:

• Reliable
• Prepared
• Positive
• Encouraging
• Fun to be around

And more importantly for you:

Be that person who shows that you care.

Because the truth is...
One day you won’t get to play another gig together.

And you’ll wish you had said:

“I appreciate you.”
“I’m glad we play together.”
“I love this band.”

Be The Performer You’re Meant To Be

Being a great performer isn’t just about vocals, solos, stage moves, or repertoire.

It’s about professionalism, relationships, character, and lifting others up.

That’s the performer people call again and again.

That’s the performer who builds a legacy.

And that’s the kind of performer my friend Dan was.

Take care of yourself and your bandmates, my friends.